Imagine fire. In a fireplace, in a living room during winter. Warm, cosy. Imagine if a spark flew on to a study desk and grew, engulfing the crackling stationery into ashes? It would quickly change the atmosphere – from a warm snuggle into a cold panic! There would be a rush to put out the fire!
This I believe is a good analogy for human sexuality. The place and time of expression, determine its desirability. Sexuality is an important part of being human. It is critical for human existence, purpose and potential – as individuals and as community. Sexuality is part of our identity, it governs our relationships, it adds value to us. To view a person apart from their sexuality, is ignorance. Likewise, to view their sexuality apart from the person is unnatural. Both scenarios are out there in the world for us to see, but I will attempt to explore the latter through the lens of Porn.
It is almost impossible to not have a brush with porn in the times we live in. But our view of, and response to porn, may vary based on our worldview. Some of us look upon it as sin, some as guilty pleasure, some as a recreation, others as art and others as a means of education. Regardless of the view, I think we all would agree that the object of Porn is to arouse a person. It nudges, kindles and feeds a person’s sexuality. Porn also works hard at capturing a person’s attention within a short time. So, porn goes straight to into “the stuff” – focusing on a person’s sexuality instead of the feelings and emotions that accompany interpersonal relationships. That is the lens of porn and over time that becomes the lens of the viewer. To focus on sexuality and sever it from a person is one thing, but to portray sexuality as the most desirable attribute is another – and this is what popular culture does.
Movies, TV shows, music, fashion, language, stand ups, even newspapers – promote the belief that glammed up, pepped up, hyped up, sexuality sells. A quick listen to the international top 10 music hits is enough to prove it. I think this is how porn rears its head in a new avatar. Popular culture takes the lens of porn, touches it up and sugar coats it. Gradually sexualisation of cultural elements becomes normal. It has become normal to “check out” a person, or to make fun about a person’s sexuality, to compare men and women to objects, to speak sexual lingo or to watch people in a movie engage in sex. But people are much more than their sexuality – they have a soul. The Bible says that “the body apart from the spirit is dead,” this means that it is the greatest value in a person is not their body (sexuality) but their soul which lives forever.
We need to realise the threat that the lens of porn and the lens of popular culture bring to us as people and this threat is that it makes us view sexuality with unreal lenses. To only be able to see sexuality through these lenses is to ignore the fullness of being human. Such lenses keep us from appreciating and cherishing each other. To be human is to relate, to express emotion, to respect differences, to depend and be dependable – that is when we live to our full potential and purpose. Let us create trustworthy spaces among our circles where we can be vulnerable and open about the struggles we face with regard to sexuality or otherwise. When we begin to see people in their fullness, we begin to see life and live it to its fullness. Sexuality does not become the out-of-control flames of lust that it’s not meant to be, but the warm fire of love and relationships.
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