Challenging Kitchen Norms

When we say, ‘a family’, one of the basic things that comes to mind is eating together. The communal gathering of people is fundamental in any culture, and food is a universal bond that binds people together. Close-knit families are characterized by their bonding over food, not just on special occasions but in their day-to-day lifestyle. Considering these facts, it is shocking to realize how that very food has crippled women’s lives for centuries.

If serving food to guests is the honour of the family, then shouldn’t cooking food be a privilege? Yet the kitchens of our houses are the most menial rooms with little thought for space, let alone design. When a kitchen is constructed, it is instinctively thought to occupy only one person at a time. To reimagine the space of a kitchen would be to reimagine our very lifestyle and ideologies. If kitchens were designed to occupy more people, then that would mean people witnessing how food is prepared. In which case, people cannot ignore the hard work that goes into cooking, forcing them to contribute on the basis of humanity, if not responsibility. This is probably why kitchens are shoved off as the very last room in the house for family members, let alone guests, to spend time in.

Across the globe, cultures are rich in the generosity of spirit. People love to serve and share food beyond their close circle. We must realize by now that this generosity comes at the cost of one gender’s lifelong sacrifice. One person in every household, for fifty years or so, is burdened with the responsibility to feed people breakfast, lunch, and dinner while deliberating what to buy, what to cook, what to prep, what to store, and more importantly, how to meet society’s expectations of a good nurturer. This responsibility is so intrinsically knit into the role of a woman within a family that it would take centuries to redefine that role.

One effective way to make a fundamental shift is to break down that kitchen’s fourth wall, metaphorically, if not literally. Let us function as a family in the space where food is cooked. Take up responsibilities and not favours around the kitchen. As long as it is thought to be a favour to the lady of the house to be in the kitchen, women will forever be at the forefront fighting in the battlefield of the stove.

It is integral for the woman also to loosen her reigns for this fundamental shift to happen. Let your partner, your children, your guests into that space. Do not get embarrassed over the mess or fear for the mistakes that will ruin the dish. Be grateful for the learning curve that has started for the others to be responsible for their own food. And in that time of shared responsibilities, you will discover laughter, memories, bonding, friendship and sometimes, your family itself.

In the Bible we come across a profound truth on family. “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Timothy 5:8)

As a family, we are called to diligently take care of each other, which includes sharing responsibilities. While women may serve with a smile, the pressure behind providing and pleasing a room full of hungry people every day is not one that many realize exists. To grow as a family, we need to serve as a family, starting with the simple necessity of providing food to the greatest responsibility of spreading love.