Signs that your relationship is actually a situationship!

Signs that your relationship is actually a situationship!

Every day late-night phone calls that went on for a minimum of 1 hour and constant text updates throughout the day. Helping each other with everyday affairs and sharing stories of almost everything significant or insignificant. A fair number of overwhelming fights, a few sugar-coated lovey-dovey lines to cover it up, and the occasional over-the-top gesture.

Sounds like a typical love relationship, doesn’t it? Except it wasn’t! It was a ‘situationship,’ which sometimes is an emotional, undefined friendship. It later led me down a regret-themed, depressive spiral for months after I got out of it. 

Every time the two of us tried to have a conversation to find clarity on “what” we were, it was muddled with more confusion, lies, and uncertainty. I don’t know if we held on for fear of losing each other and the routine, or maybe we had become “comfortable” with what we were. Every unsuccessful attempt at distancing myself became emotionally taxing, and the entire relationship crashed when I realized the mess I was in. 

Here are some things that I learned from this “unlabelled relationship.”

Boundaries are Difficult but Necessary

I distinctly recollect a friend talking to me about boundaries, she said that lines exist in a relationship to protect our hearts which belong inherently to God. We are His children, and He wants us to be careful. Without boundaries we may develop a ‘soul tie’ with every person we come across, especially those from the opposite gender. Boundaries can be physical, mental, or emotional, and they are present for clarity and honesty. They should be normalized, and no one should feel guilty about drawing them. Their absence will lead to emotional scarring and even depression. 

There is a huge difference between being a part of someone’s life and sharing a life with them. Sometimes, it is hard to draw the line which is why we must fall back on God every day asking for His grace and wisdom, instead of merely letting it remain “complicated.”

Be Vulnerable Wisely

A very common error I found myself making was oversharing and being overtly vulnerable. While vulnerability in trustworthy relationships is okay, it is better to prevent attachment issues with those you know you can’t trust. Simply communicating your stance should be enough but at no cost should you feel the need to over-explain things which you are uncomfortable with. Some practical ways to do it is by lessening the number of phone calls, or even learning to say “no.” Co-dependency is very real, and if left unaddressed, it can leave you desperately seeking support and validation from the wrong relationships.

Beware of Toxicity              

I noticed after a certain point in my relationship that I could no longer differentiate between what was right and wrong. Instead, I adopted a “go with the flow” attitude. This is toxic. It is unfortunately so easy to romanticize and sometimes even justify toxic relationships. Toxicity is characterized by feelings of anxiety, confusion, discomfort, and fear. My close circle of friends started to notice these tendencies in me. I started thinking that voicing out my thoughts or being assertive was rude and unkind. This toxicity started to overwhelm me and it was not good. 

Matthew 10:16 says, “Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves. Be ye therefore wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” Rarely does the Bible make positive statements about serpents, but in this context, it is a strong reminder to be aware and vigilant in our interactions. 

With this wisdom, I slowly realized that I could no longer see the reason for this ‘situationship’ to exist. I knew that it was going to end badly, so I had to end it immediately. When I finally ended it, it wasn’t easy. However here are some things that helped me get out of this almost relationship.   

• I made a strong decision and reminded myself that I was doing that which was best for me and for the other person. 

• I took time to reflect on all that had happened. I then prayed and committed my smallest thoughts to God. 

• When trust issues sprung up, I took time to validate every emotion. The pain of ending this ‘situationship’ was real, so I had to give myself ample time to heal. 

• I treated myself with kindness, and I also had a trusted circle around me who reminded me that God did everything for my good. 

• I identified triggers that often made me feel uncomfortable and anxious, so I learned to stay away from them and this helped me heal.

• I tried my hardest to forgive myself and the person as well. But complete forgiveness is possible when you surrender your burdens to God. 

A verse from the Bible which I absolutely love says “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” When your heart is not in the right place, it is incredibly hard to function right – especially while dealing with trauma from a difficult relationship. If you can, do reach out for professional help, but above all else, allow God to hold your hand and heal your heart.

If you are dealing with a relationship that you feel is toxic and you need help, do reach out to us.