I was watching MasterChef Australia Season 13. It was the elimination round, and the contestants were asked to replicate a dessert menu. They had to cook not one but three complicated desserts created exclusively for the challenge by a world-renowned chocolatier. One of the contestants at the end of the round would get eliminated. The task was daunting, to say the least. Each contestant goofed up at various stages of making the dessert. But one contestant consistently goofed up at almost every stage of making every dessert. However, there was one gleaming hope for this contestant – she had an immunity pin. This meant that she could at any point of time in her cook, down to the very last second, raise her hand and tell the judges ‘I am playing my pin’ and she would not need to present her dish so would not be judged or eliminated. But guess what? She not only did not play her pin but she got eliminated as well for producing the worst dish. She walked out on one of the world’s best opportunities much earlier than she needed to while still wearing an immunity pin on her. Isn’t that tragic? Everyone was shocked, including herself. No one understood why she didn’t play the pin. Some thought it was overconfidence, some thought that is who she is – risk-taker. When I read one of her tweets, I was disappointed to learn the truth. In her own words she admits, “I knew I was doing bad, but I kept hoping others would do much worse and that my dishes would have flavor even if they lacked the presentation.” The irony is that she was hailed as the dessert queen in the competition, and that gave way to her overconfidence. But my disappointment was not in this alone, it was in the fact that she believed others would fail far worse than her and that this would help her succeed.
How many of us are told to find solace in knowing that others are in a far worse crisis, and hence we need to be grateful? Is this the right way to live – comparing? In order for us to love and value each other right, we must first love and value ourselves.
Self-love is important. But social media has successfully monetized it using the comparison culture. We compare ourselves to others and find satisfaction in being better than someone or like someone we admire. On the flip side, we loathe ourselves because we do not belong to any social circle or feel our lives are worse off than others.
So, what exactly is self-love? Self-love is being pleased with oneself and thinking oneself worthy of living and experiencing joy. So, in a way, self-love is a cookie we give to ourselves when we do something worthy or think we have some worth.
A better question to ask then is, ‘Where does my worth come from?’
To a fitness freak, their worth comes from staying fit. They would feel defeated if they gained a few kilograms. To a foodie, he/she wouldn’t care two hoots if they gained a few kilograms at the expense of enjoying a decadent dessert. So worth is very subjective. If we attribute worth to popularity, relationships, financial success, etc., every time we fail in these, we will fall into self-hate, in other words, we deny ourselves self-love. Hence, we need to attribute worth to the right source.
Jesus told His disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me,” but He also said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” So, God is not asking us not to love ourselves less because He is asking us to love others as ourselves. In other words, He is implying that we have self-love and that we must use the same measure to love others. What Jesus is saying is to attribute our worth not to the things that this world says we need, or that you think you need, He asks for us to attribute our worth to His love for you.
Here are some parameters for self-love that we can be cautious about:
- Do not wait for someone else to do worse than you to feel good about yourself, rather realize that God loves you despite your imperfections.
- Do not wait for professional success to feel worthy in society, rather realize that one day, Jesus will claim us as His own in front of His Father in Heaven and the entire world.
- Do not wait for your friends to invite you to feel accepted and loved, rather realize how much God loves you – He loved you enough to die for you.
- Do not wait for your dreams to come true to live a joyful life, rather realize that He is always with you and that your future is in His hands.
Once we attribute our worth to God’s love for us, it becomes possible to love ourselves through the rise and fall of our lives. Failures and disappointments won’t defeat our morale to live, but rather that is the time we will seek God, even more, to understand what plans He has for our lives and how to live better.
Images are purely for visualization purposes.
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